Naming the issue without confrontation.

Main image

Wisdom comes from the steady accumulation of learned mistakes. It's the price that we pay. We make a mistake, we learn from it, we apply the learning and we move on.

Stage one: acknowledge that a mistake has been made.

Stage two: explore the learning that came from the mistake.

Stage three: consider who the learning can be applied to prevent the problem from being an issue any longer.

That can be an uncomfortable process for an individual to reflect on.

It can be a confrontational experience when it involves another person because the stages are often redefined:

Stage one: the issue is named.

Stage two: what you did wrong is defined.

Stage three: you are challenged to change your behaviour in the future.

For example: You should have spoken with her. You're procrastinating about it. Stop avoiding difficult conversations.

Faced with that kind of confrontational experience the two natural responses are passive or aggressive (fight or flight),neither of which form a positive learning experience.

The challenge for a good coach is to name an issue without confrontation.

Confrontational naming: That wasn't a smart choice was it? How could you have improved on that?

Coached naming: One issue seems to be affecting the outcome here. How could you have approached it differently?

Stripping out judgemental language empowers the coachee to explore and name the issue without confrontation, moving through stages one and two, enabling the learning to be integrated in stage three.

With Trust Me Coaching your coach is always affirming and never judgemental. Get 30 days free coaching now.

Back To Blog